"Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone."-C.S. Lewis

Time for yet another cynical rant so that I can get it out of my system and move on. I no longer have a drum set to 'bang sh!t' on or a boxing partner to go to the gym with, so instead, I turn to writing as usual.

So, my question is, why is love such a tease? Cynic point of view says: Love is an invention of the mind, the emotions. It is a misleading hormonal potion- makes you believe in things and hope for matters that might never happen, but you refuse to acknowledge even the slightest doubt in your might because hope feels so much better than caving in to loneliness again. Why feel lonely when you don't have to?

Better yet, was love simply created as the basis for fairy tales? The basis for magic? Something to create a foundation for the existence of other matters, so that we didn't have to learn to face the world alone? Do we always have to live in pairs, constantly seeking our other half? Why does love always have to be such a battle?

I'm so tired of always fighting for it, always trying to find it. To me, love should be Simple. Pure. Natural. It should come freely and be given freely, or perhaps it isn't really love at all. Love shouldn't harm you, or burn you. Love should have respect.

But why is it so seemingly difficult to find these values in another? If we are constantly searching for it, then we can't ever find it. If you try putting yourself out there, you're needy. It's really quite simple: How about if I want to text you or call you, I will. Or, how about if I want to talk to you, then you'll hear from me. I'd like/expect you to return the favor. How about someone who doesn't need roses or chocolates or fancy things, she just wants to be around you, even if it's 10 minutes or 10 hours.

See, that's the catch. There's hope again, sneaking in on me. I tend to hope for the best, and try not to expect the worst. However the older I get, the worse I am at remembering my cynicism. 

I keep waiting for that one guy who is the 'different' one. The one who makes you realize why it 'never worked out with anyone else'. And every time I think I've stumbled upon him, it never works out for one reason or another.

Either way, my confession is that I'm tired of chasing. I'm so exhausted from being the go-getter with these matters. 

New Mantra: Don't waste time with those who waste yours. Life is too short.




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